Happiness is a strange concept. I don’t believe that anyone can really find happiness because happiness is a state of being, not an object. Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. Happiness will not come to you, it will come from you.
Everything you need to live the life you dream of is already inside of you: your courage, strength, compassion and joy. What we bring to life becomes our life and this begins with practicing self-love.
Self-love requires you to be honest about your current choices and thought patterns and undertake new practices that reflect self-worth. When your choices and thoughts echo love, you will discover true happiness. And this takes time. There is a reason why is called “practicing” self-love; it takes effort, repetition, and time.
A common misconception is self-love is all cucumber masks, affirmations written in lipstick and bubble baths. Boy do I wish it was as easy as Mr. Bubbles. On my journey to embrace and love my most authentic self I have picked up a few tips.
- Live Your Values
When your actions and thoughts are in line with your values, you are able to be your authentic self. Being your authentic self is ultimately going to provide you with a greater sense of peace and happiness.
Ask yourself what is really important to you and then build your life around those things. Creating a life around your values is one way to honor who you are. It is a gesture of self-love to respect and uphold the values you believe in. By creating a life around the things that really matter to you, you are telling yourself you matter. Your thoughts matter, your soul matters.
- Be Mindful Of Your Self-Talk
If you want to change your life begin by changing your words. The most important conversations you will ever have are with yourself. Who is the one person you speak to every single day? Yourself. Our internal conversations characterize how we view the world and influence every part of our life.
- Brain dump in your journal every day.
Clear out the clutter in your heart and head so you can create beautiful things. Write out everything that gets you down so they don’t have time to fester and poison your psyche. Additionally write out the things that excite you. Explore your dreams and deepest desires, and find ways to make them part of your day-to-day activities
- Not All People Are Your People
This was a hard one for me to accept but it has been the most impactful. Not all people are your people and that is ok. If you are spending time with people that make you feel insecure, less than, or not equal those people are not your people. I know that I am not for everyone and that is Ok. I can decide to take this as negative and feel hurt like I don’t “fit in” with certain crowds, or I can accept it and find the people who will love and accept me for me. Choosing to surround yourself with people who love you will help you love yourself.
- Gratitude Journal
Often when we hear about expressing gratitude, we think of the people and things that we’re grateful for. Our friends, family, partners, home, car, food, etc. but I would say to go even deeper when it comes to gratitude.
Think about your accomplishments, how you handled your day, how your own values came into play, which strengths you’re grateful for, what are your strengths, what are you excited about, and what’s good in your life right now. Most of the time we forget to be grateful for ourselves, so start giving yourself a little more daily self-love through a gratitude log.
When you choose to love yourself, life becomes simpler and lighter. You won’t make as many mountains out of molehills (or out of plain air) as you used to. You won’t beat yourself up or drag yourself down over mistakes or temporary setbacks. You’ll have more inner stability and self-sabotage less. When your opinion of yourself goes up then you’ll stop trying to get so much validation and attention from other people. Increasing your self-love makes you feel more deserving of good things in life and will drive you to go after what you deep down want with more motivation and focus than ever before.
Allison Avalon is a Blogger and self-help mogul originally from Northern California. As a former counselor to at-risk youth Allison developed creative and inspiring new tactics to tackle self-doubt, negative self-worth and body issues. Her website “I’m Just Not That Girl” supports personal growth and navigating life’s transitions. Additionally, Allison moonlights as a motivational speaker for women. You can connect with Allison on Instagram @Im_Just_not_that_girl