In Motivation

Grow Into Your Crown

Spring is within our grasp! Lush green engulfs you, shy buds start to bloom, the sun peeks out to kiss your skin, and then… it snows. Almost all of nature’s progress seems to disappear except the wasps and fruit flies (why!?). In the most melodramatic fashion, you aggressively pull your winter coat back out of the closet, and exclaim that spring is never going to get here. Never!!!

I have a love/hate relationship with this beautiful city and its bi-polar state; I have all my life. Partially because I never know what to wear, but also because it seems to reflect my soul all too well. Progress in health only to be destroyed by allergies and poor air ventilation in our cheap apartment. A sense of belonging and love shoved back by inconsistencies and my own insecurities I had believed to be extinct. When you’re so close to being the person you want to be, it cuts deep when you see that person step back. When you see the seeds don’t bloom, or even birth thorns, or worse, when you start to bloom only for the snow to come. In that moment, it’s easy to abandon yourself to winter’s persistent chill. It’s easy to succumb to depression, bad habits and influences, and even numbness. I know I’ve felt it. 

I’d love to say that I’m always patient with myself when I fall short or that I never compare myself to anyone on my instagram feed, but life doesn’t always work that way. I drink too much and eat too much sugar.  I’m a terrible vegan, am chronically late, and have a tendency to attract toxic people. Then, my first instinct is to beat myself up when I don’t meet my expectations, and fall into the vicious cycle of comparison. I stop believing in myself, and stunt my own growth. 

Not cool. 

So, if you too find yourself becoming your own bully, stop for a minute and remember that you’re a queen. Whether you’re killing it, falling apart, or something in between, we are all queens. Say it over and over if it helps! If you believe you’re unstoppable, then you will be.

PS, there’s no shame in faking it till you make it; we all have to start somewhere!

Take a deep breath, and stay on your grind. It takes time, pruning, and a whole lot of patience to get something to grow, but your dreams are worth the wait. YOU are worth the wait. Look around you, and plant your roots firmly. Cut off what doesn’t help you grow and perhaps causes you to wither. Drink more water, and boldly go out into the world- your life- and simply try your best. Accept what blooms (it won’t always be flowers), and go from there with love. Like nature, life is unpredictable and sometimes it’s a mess. Embrace it! Every weed, every imperfection, every rose, and every beautiful, broken piece is yours. If the snow comes, let it. You’re strong, and you’re getting better each day.

We’re all trying to be something. I’m trying to become me. Amanda Forderhase is a Nashville writer currently working on a collection of American haikus, a twenty something engaged to a rapper, and aspiring yogi. I’m a caterpillar wrapped in silk. Not yet a butterfly, but I still sting like a bee. Connect with Amanda on Instagram at @aeforderhase

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