You know what I am thinking today? I’m thinking about a very uncomfortable word, a word that ensues emotion – the kind of emotion that looks back at you in the mirror and you don’t want to admit it’s your reflection. The word? Inadequacy.
I’ve realized recently that I spend more time allowing myself to feel inadequate than I do capable. I easily convince myself that I am unable to match the gravitas of what others have or who they are. I can’t walk with the silk robe and be crowned the queen….I’m just the servant….a mere commoner.
The problem is I shouldn’t be the servant in my own life. I should rise to the occasion of being me. I am the only me there will ever be. You are the only you there will ever be. There is something to be said about that. And yet, I spend countless hours comparing myself to a few, several, well, everyone! That woman over there – she is tech savvy – far more adequate to fill that position. That lady to my left, she has connections. I will never be able to achieve her accomplishments. She’s arrived. I can only sit back and watch as her life has meaning and impact.
My co-worker….Her charisma is beyond explanation. It is an 8th wonder of the world. There is not a person alive that would not be struck by her apparent captivating nature. And, so, I, in my lonely servant state, fall deeper into my inadequacy.
Today I am too fat. Tomorrow I will be too poor. Yesterday I was too introverted. Last week, I was too anxious. There is always something that becomes a roadblock for me to feel like I am not enough…enough in my own eyes and more importantly enough in God’s eyes. Not only is the barrier thick and heavy that allows me to feel this way, but it hinders me from casting a wider net when it comes to my hopes and goals. I can’t even be satisfied with the mediocrity that I feel is my life right now, let alone dream big. The thing is – I do have dreams. You have dreams. Somehow, someway, they have fallen beyond our reach.
Inadequacy is synonymous with deficiency. If I feel I am not good enough, not capable, than I am accepting a “false fact.” My mind believes it to be true, but the reality is false. I am not incapable of something, I am simply representing myself as deficient. I have bought into the lie that I am sub-par…that I have stopped halfway up Mt. Everest with no more lung capacity. The truth, the hard truth, the bad news is that I lack the courage and focus to be the best version of myself. The good news? Deficiency can be remedied. You see, deficiency comes from there being a problem with the way something is made. And, I know that I am made in the image of God….no problems there. I am His daughter – from dust to royalty with a snap of His holy hand. I just have to dissolve the buy-in that I lack what it takes to be something the Lord himself created.
Accepting a heavy veil of being inadequate is something I don’t want to tolerate anymore. It is time to challenge myself to get up and tackle what scares me or makes me wither back into my “I-Don’t-Want-To Face-It-Cave.” It is time to look back in the mirror and read my own lips – “I am the only me that this world has. I can’t spend every waking moment convinced others are better than me or that I don’t deserve to be better than who I am currently am.” I am a work in progress. It is time to take my finger off the pause button. Time to stop trying to rewind or fast forward my life. I need to simply let it play.
There is joy in being me. I have things to offer. Though buried deep down at times, I have initiative. I can’t give up when things get tight. So, I want to tame this beast known as inadequacy and scream as loud as I possibly can that I am not just another face in the crowd. I am not just a conqueror. According to scripture, I am more than a conqueror through Christ Jesus.
The transformation from inadequacy to relevant to full blown passionate pursuer of my very best self, starts with this simple prayer: “God, I want to see myself through your eyes.” I want to encourage you today. Don’t waste another moment in comparison to anyone or anything because God has a very customized story for your life and for mine. Don’t settle for being less. The reason? Because He is more….more than all your fears, failures, and frustrations.
Farrell Boone is a native Texan who has been living the Nashville, TN life with her husband, Rob, for the past 8 years. She is mommy to the outspoken, beautiful, sassy, and hilarious 3 year old known as Emme. Farrell is an educator, writer, terrible house cleaner, football watcher, sweet tea drinker, and an overall sensitive soul. You can connect with Farrell via email: firstname.lastname@example.org or Facebook: Farrell Boone.