Honestly, I don’t even know where to begin. I just know when I was asked to share for this series it was an opportunity to release some of my story. Hoping that it would touch other women in some way.
This series, Becoming her 2.0, is VERY significant to me. I have been through a lot the last few years, and I have fought hard to be writing this to you today.
My story is one of devastating hurt. Which spiraled me into a world of fear, doubt and anxiety. I struggled to eat, sleep or find joy in anything. Everyday felt like I was drowning. With no one around to help lift me up out of the water. It was isolating. I was searching for answers and seeking comfort with no avail.
I can vividly remember a day when my kids came into my bedroom and asked “Mama, are you sick again?” When I think back to that moment, it brings tears to my eyes that my children had to witness their mom in that way. Especially since I spent years of my life dedicated to giving each of them the best that I had. I poured every ounce of myself info them, every day for years.
Now there they were watching their, once fun and joyful, mother become someone living in sadness.
Each day was a challenge. It was exhausting to even breathe. I was living in a world of hurt and pain with no clue how I was going to navigate through it all. It didn’t help that my family and all my close friends lived across the country.
When I did finally make the effort to reach out to those I thought I could lean on they demonstrated zero signs of compassion or care. They washed their hands of it all. What made it worse was that some were the very ones that claimed to be faithful, with the appearance of being religious.
Being on the receiving end of that type of rejection actually drew me further away from my faith.
How could a person that supposedly loves God easily turn their back on someone who’s life had just been devastated?
I couldn’t even do that to a stranger, let alone a friend or family member.
I started feeling resentment towards those individuals that had disappointed me.I had never been exposed to individuals like that growing up. My upbringing was one filled with honesty and there was no tolerance for deception (white lies and omission were included in that too).
Then one day I dropped to my knees, sobbing, in desperation. I just couldn’t do it on my own any longer. The resentment and hurt were eating me up. It was all too much of a burden to carry on my shoulders, alone. I asked God to please help me. That’s when I knew I had to make choices to walk towards him.
That’s when I started attending church again. I would sit there every Sunday and cry. Releasing some of the pain I was holding onto. Looking back, that was the start of my spiritual transformation. It’s when I started experiencing compassion, love and care from others. All the things that I had desperately been missing. I saw what God’s true love looks like through people. The people that ran into my life mess with open arms. People that went out of their way to support and guide me. People that loved the way God wants us to. It gave me the strength that I needed and it helped strengthen my faith.
The last 2 years have shown me that when you allow your faith to guide you it will bring you into the light. A light that fills voids. It may be hard to see it at first but remaining faithful and open is what has gotten me through one of the most challenging times of my life.
It hasn’t been an easy road and I’m still navigating through a lot. Not sure where my path will lead but I do know one thing, I am meant to help women. Women that are holding onto hurt, disappointment and pain. I need to help them through my story. To let them know, they aren’t alone. Too often women are consumed with this idea of being perfect. If only we could all ban together and truly help our sisters believe that they already are perfect, right where they are.
I believe that each one of us carries an incredible story that can touch many lives.
If left untold, it just becomes wasted history.
I encourage each of you to not leave your story untold.
Alley is known to be a huge fan of dresses, incredible food, the outdoors and great laughs.